Memento Mori: The Power of Death Awareness

Memento Mori: Remember You Must Die

The Ancient Practice

Memento mori is a Latin phrase meaning “remember you must die.” In ancient Rome, victorious generals returning from battle would have a servant whisper this phrase during their triumph parade to prevent hubris. Stoic philosophers, medieval monks, and wisdom traditions across cultures have used contemplation of mortality as a tool for living more fully.

This isn’t about morbidity or pessimism. It’s about clarity.

Why Death Awareness Matters

The Finite Game

As a principal engineer, you’re playing an infinite game—technology evolves endlessly, there’s always more to learn, systems can always be improved. But your participation in this game is finite.

You have approximately 4,000 weeks if you live to 80. You’ve already used many of them. Acknowledging this fact changes how you spend the rest.

Steve Jobs, after his cancer diagnosis, said:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

The Paradox of Mortality

Awareness of death doesn’t make life sadder—it makes it more vivid. When you recognize that your time is limited, you stop wasting it on things that don’t matter.

• That argument with a colleague over code style? Less important when you remember you have finite conversations remaining.
• The fear of looking foolish when proposing a bold architectural change? Less paralyzing when weighed against deathbed regret.
• The tendency to defer learning something difficult? Less compelling when you realize “later” has a final deadline.

Practical Applications for Technical Leaders

1. Prioritization Through Mortality

Most prioritization frameworks focus on urgency and importance. Memento mori adds a third dimension: meaning.

Before making decisions, ask:

• “If I died in six months, would I regret spending time on this?”
• “Will this matter on my deathbed?”
• “Is this how I want to spend my finite cognitive energy?”

This lens clarifies ruthlessly:

• That rewrite of a perfectly functional system to use the latest framework? Probably not deathbed material.
• Mentoring a junior engineer who will carry forward your knowledge? Probably matters.
• Attending meetings where you add no value? Waste of your finite heartbeats.
• Building something genuinely useful for thousands of people? Worth the effort.

2. Risk-Taking and Regret Minimization

Fear of failure keeps us playing small. Memento mori provides a different fear: the fear of dying without having tried.

Studies of palliative care patients reveal the top regrets:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

Translation for engineers:

• Build the project you believe in, even if it might fail
• Don’t sacrifice relationships for marginal career advancement
• Speak up about architectural concerns, even when it’s uncomfortable
• Maintain friendships outside work
• Don’t defer happiness until some future milestone

3. The 85-Year-Old Self Exercise

Imagine your 85-year-old self looking back at your current life. What would they wish you had done differently?

For principal engineers, this might reveal:

• “I wish I’d taken more technical risks instead of always playing it safe.”
• “I wish I’d spent more time learning deeply instead of just keeping up.”
• “I wish I’d built stronger relationships with my team.”
• “I wish I’d worked on problems that truly mattered, not just what was easy or profitable.”
• “I wish I’d shared my knowledge more generously.”

Your 85-year-old self has wisdom your current self lacks: they know what actually mattered. Channel that wisdom now.

4. Time Budgets and Finite Resources

If you have 40 years of career left, that’s:

• ~10,000 working days
• ~80,000 working hours
• ~480,000 meetings (if you average 6 hours of meetings per week)
• ~40 opportunities to deeply learn a new technology or domain
• ~2,000 code reviews
• ~400 mentees if you mentor 10 people per year

These numbers are finite. Every “yes” to one thing is a “no” to something else.

Ask yourself:

• “Is this meeting worth 1/480,000th of my career?”
• “Is this technology worth 1/40th of my deep learning opportunities?”
• “Is this project worth six months of my remaining life?”

The Daily Practice

Ancient Stoics practiced evening reflection on mortality. Modern adaptation for engineers:

Evening Memento Mori Reflection (5 minutes)

1. Acknowledge finitude: “I have one fewer day than yesterday.”

2. Review the day: “Did I spend today in a way I’d be proud of if it were my last?”

3. Identify waste: “What did I do today that wouldn’t matter if I died tomorrow?”

4. Celebrate meaning: “What did I do today that I’d be glad I spent my time on?”

5. Plan tomorrow: “If I had only one more day, what would be most important?”

This isn’t about perfection—you can’t spend every moment on deathbed-worthy activities. But the practice creates a filter that gradually shifts your choices toward more meaningful work.

The Relationship Between Mortality and Technical Excellence

Paradoxically, awareness of death can make you a better engineer.

Quality Over Cleverness

When you remember your time is finite, you stop writing clever code to impress others and start writing clear code that will outlive you. Your legacy isn’t the complexity you introduced; it’s the problems you solved and the people you helped.

Learning What Matters

You stop chasing every new framework and focus on fundamentals that will serve you for decades. You learn deeply instead of widely.

Building With Purpose

You choose projects that solve real problems, not just resume-building exercises. You optimize for impact, not optics.

Generosity With Knowledge

You document, mentor, and share freely because you know your knowledge dies with you unless you pass it on.

Common Misinterpretations

Memento Mori Is NOT:

❌ Nihilism: “Nothing matters because we all die.” (The opposite—mortality makes things matter MORE)

❌ YOLO recklessness: “I could die tomorrow, so I’ll do whatever I want.” (Death awareness leads to wisdom, not impulsivity)

❌ Pessimism: “Life is short and sad.” (Life is short and therefore precious)

❌ Excuse for workaholism: “I must achieve as much as possible before I die.” (Quality of life matters more than quantity of achievements)

Memento Mori IS:

✅ Clarifying: Reveals what truly matters
✅ Motivating: Encourages action over procrastination
✅ Humbling: Puts ego and status in perspective
✅ Liberating: Frees you from fear of judgment
✅ Grounding: Returns focus to the present moment

Integration With Modern Life

The Smartphone Lock Screen Reminder

Change your lock screen to a simple memento mori quote:

• “You have ~30,000 days. Use them well.”
• “Remember you must die.”
• “Life is too short for bad code and worse meetings.”
• “What would you do if you had six months?”

Every time you check your phone (dozens of times per day), you’re reminded of your finitude.

The Weekly Review Question

In your weekly planning, ask: “What would I regret NOT doing this week if it were my last?”

The Career Check-In

Quarterly, ask: “Am I building a career I’ll be proud of on my deathbed, or one that looks good on LinkedIn?”

The Ultimate Paradox

Contemplating death doesn’t make you sad—it makes you alive.

When you remember your time is finite, you:

• Say “I love you” more often
• Take the technical risk you’ve been afraid of
• Have the difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding
• Quit the job that’s killing your spirit
• Start the project you’ve been dreaming about
• Forgive old grudges
• Express gratitude
• Choose presence over productivity theater

Reflection Questions

1. If you died tomorrow, what would you regret not having done? Can you start doing it this week?

2. What are you doing primarily because of external expectations or fear of judgment? Would you continue if you had six months to live?

3. If you knew you had 10 more years in tech, would you change how you’re spending your time now? What would you focus on?

4. Who would you want to remember you, and for what? Are your current actions aligned with that legacy?

5. What conversations are you avoiding? Can you have them this week?

6. What projects are you working on that wouldn’t matter if you died next year? Can you eliminate or delegate them?

7. How would your 85-year-old self counsel your current self? What wisdom would they share?

A Final Story

In Bhutan, citizens are encouraged to contemplate death five times daily. The culture believes this practice leads to greater happiness, not less.

Research supports this: people who regularly contemplate mortality report higher life satisfaction, stronger relationships, and more meaningful work.

A Bhutanese saying: “To be a happy person, one must contemplate death five times daily.”

For engineers building the future, perhaps we should contemplate our mortality at least once daily—not to be morbid, but to ensure we’re building a future worth having, in the time we have left.

Memento mori. Remember you must die.

Now, go build something that matters.