Memento Mori: Embracing Mortality in Engineering Leadership

Memento Mori: Embracing Mortality in Engineering Leadership

“Remember that you will die.”

This ancient Stoic practice - memento mori - might seem morbid at first glance, especially in an industry obsessed with disruption, growth, and “changing the world.” But for technical leaders navigating complex systems, competing priorities, and the relentless pace of technology, contemplating mortality offers profound clarity about what truly matters.

The Ancient Practice

Memento mori emerged from Stoic philosophy, practiced by figures like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus. Roman generals returning from victorious campaigns would have a servant whisper “memento mori” during their triumph parade - a reminder that glory is temporary and death inevitable.

The practice wasn’t about morbidity or pessimism. It was about clarity. By acknowledging death’s certainty, the Stoics believed we could focus on what’s truly important and avoid wasting precious time on trivialities.

Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations:

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

Seneca observed:

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day… The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.”

Why This Matters for Technical Leaders

Engineering culture often operates with an unstated assumption of infinite time: infinite runway for learning new technologies, infinite opportunities for the next big project, infinite chances to “get it right.” This illusion drives overwork, postponement of important relationships, and misplaced priorities.

The reality: your time is finite. Your energy is finite. Your opportunities to make meaningful impact are finite.

The Paradox of Constraints

Accepting mortality doesn’t lead to nihilism - it leads to focus. When everything is finite, choices matter more. The constraint of limited time becomes liberating:

Applying Memento Mori to Engineering Leadership

1. The Finite Nature of Technical Decisions

Every technical decision has a shelf life. That “perfect” architecture you’re agonizing over will be legacy code in five years. The technology stack you’re debating will be replaced. The system you’re building will eventually be sunset.

This doesn’t mean quality doesn’t matter - it means perfectionism is a trap. Ship the good-enough solution now rather than the perfect solution never.

Reflection question: If you knew this system would be replaced in three years, what would you stop worrying about? What would you prioritize instead?

2. Legacy Beyond Code

Your code will not outlive you by much. Even groundbreaking systems eventually get rewritten. But the engineers you mentor, the culture you build, and the problems you help others learn to solve - these ripple forward.

The principal engineer obsessed with being the “10x developer” writing all the critical code misses the point. Your leverage is in multiplication: developing other engineers, establishing patterns others can follow, creating cultures that persist.

Reflection question: What impact do you want to have that outlasts your code? Who are you investing in?

3. Finite Energy for Politics and Drama

Engineering organizations are filled with opportunities for ego conflicts, political maneuvering, and status games. These activities consume enormous energy for minimal return.

Memento mori offers clarity: is this how you want to spend your finite time?

Seneca again:

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested.”

Choose carefully where you spend your political capital. Most battles aren’t worth fighting. Most status games don’t matter. Most conflicts resolve themselves without your intervention.

Reflection question: What drama or politics are you currently engaged in? Would you still care about this on your deathbed?

4. The Urgency of Deep Work

If time is finite, spending it on shallow work - endless meetings, context switching, reactive email responses - is a form of theft from your future self.

Deep work on meaningful problems becomes non-negotiable. The complex technical challenges, the architectural decisions with lasting impact, the systems thinking that prevents future fires - these require sustained focus that becomes harder to protect as you advance in your career.

Guard your deep work time like you guard your life - because you are.

Practical application:

5. Presence with Your Team

One-on-ones, design reviews, mentoring conversations - these are often treated as interruptions from “real work.” But what if the relationship, the moment of connection, the insight you help someone reach is the real work?

You’ll never get these moments back. That junior engineer asking for career advice won’t be junior forever. That colleague struggling with a technical decision needs your perspective now, not when you “have more time.”

Memento mori practice: Enter each meeting as if it might be your last interaction with this person. Does that change how you show up?

6. Work-Life Balance Isn’t Optional

The tech industry glorifies overwork, celebrates “grinding,” and treats work-life balance as a luxury for the uncommitted. This is a lie made possible only by ignoring mortality.

You cannot reclaim the time you don’t spend with your children while they’re young. You cannot restore health destroyed by chronic stress. You cannot revive relationships that atrophied from neglect.

Marcus Aurelius:

“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what’s left and live it properly.”

What does “living properly” mean for you? If work is consuming your life to the point where you’re not present for what matters, memento mori demands you change course.

Practical Exercises

Daily Practice: Negative Visualization

Each morning, briefly imagine that today is your last day. Not morbidly, but clearly:

Now live accordingly. You don’t have to wait for it to actually be your last day to live with that clarity.

Weekly Review: Finite Time Audit

Once a week, review how you spent your time:

Adjust accordingly.

Monthly Reflection: Legacy Check

Once a month, ask:

Annual Practice: Memento Mori Retreat

Once a year, take a day for deep reflection on mortality and meaning:

Write these down. Revisit them quarterly.

Common Objections

“This is too morbid for workplace thinking.”

The tech industry’s denial of mortality doesn’t make it less real - it just makes us less prepared to live meaningfully. Acknowledging death is the opposite of morbid; it’s the foundation for vitality.

“I can’t think about death and still be productive.”

The Stoics were among history’s most productive people. Marcus Aurelius ran an empire. Seneca was a prolific writer and advisor. Epictetus taught generations of students. Memento mori didn’t paralyze them - it focused them.

“I’m too young to worry about mortality.”

Death doesn’t discriminate by age. More importantly, the habits and priorities you establish now compound over decades. Starting early means decades of compounding clarity.

Integration with Technical Work

Memento mori doesn’t mean abandoning technical excellence or ambitious goals. It means:

Conclusion

Memento mori - remember that you will die - is not a counsel of despair. It’s an invitation to clarity.

Your time is finite. Your energy is finite. Your opportunities are finite. This is not a problem to solve but a reality to embrace. The constraint makes your choices meaningful.

For principal engineers and technical leaders, this means:

Final reflection from Marcus Aurelius:

“Do not act as if you had ten thousand years to live. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.”

While you live, while it is in your power, build something meaningful. Develop people who will carry forward what you’ve learned. Show up fully for the moments that matter. Choose deliberately.

Remember that you will die - and let that remembrance teach you how to live.

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